Craptastic

That's about the right word to describe my spending situation. I just suck at this right now. I'm trying not to get discouraged, but I feel like I'm in a spending tailspin and I can't get it under control.

There are just all these things that I really think I *need*. And while "need" is usually just another way to say "want," I just keep finding myself needing to buy stuff to handle all my stuff. I spent $200 today on shelving and organization supplies. But I've had cardboard boxes at the foot of my bed for 4 months with nowhere to put anything and people are coming to visit and it's driving me crazy! I have a small room and the clutter is making me feel helpless. And all these solutions are expensive! At least for me.

I also bought a bike last week. With all the accessories (helmet, lights, lock, rear rack), this has set me back about $600 so far, and I still need to get bigger bags to put on the rack to actually carry the stuff I need to bring with me. I know I could have spent less. I feel guilty for not looking for a used bike (I mean, this isn't a "new" bike...it's an old frame with new parts built by Bikes Not Bombs). But I also know that if I'm going to commute 6 miles to work every day, I need something dependable and comfortable that I actually like riding. Which I got.

I'm being so defensive. I know it's because I could have done this differently. Or saved, instead of borrowed from my loans. I don't know what to say. Grad school has really messed up my habits, it seems. At least now I can honestly say I'm through with any big purchases. Not including whatever medical costs I incur this year (which will definitely be around 500 bucks.)

Here's what I'll do: try to concentrate on the positive. I have my emergency fund still. I'm still contributing to my retirement fund. And I'm back up to a full 40 hours a week. I can fix this, I can get back on track.