That's about the right word to describe my spending situation. I just suck at this right now. I'm trying not to get discouraged, but I feel like I'm in a spending tailspin and I can't get it under control.
There are just all these things that I really think I *need*. And while "need" is usually just another way to say "want," I just keep finding myself needing to buy stuff to handle all my stuff. I spent $200 today on shelving and organization supplies. But I've had cardboard boxes at the foot of my bed for 4 months with nowhere to put anything and people are coming to visit and it's driving me crazy! I have a small room and the clutter is making me feel helpless. And all these solutions are expensive! At least for me.
I also bought a bike last week. With all the accessories (helmet, lights, lock, rear rack), this has set me back about $600 so far, and I still need to get bigger bags to put on the rack to actually carry the stuff I need to bring with me. I know I could have spent less. I feel guilty for not looking for a used bike (I mean, this isn't a "new" bike...it's an old frame with new parts built by Bikes Not Bombs). But I also know that if I'm going to commute 6 miles to work every day, I need something dependable and comfortable that I actually like riding. Which I got.
I'm being so defensive. I know it's because I could have done this differently. Or saved, instead of borrowed from my loans. I don't know what to say. Grad school has really messed up my habits, it seems. At least now I can honestly say I'm through with any big purchases. Not including whatever medical costs I incur this year (which will definitely be around 500 bucks.)
Here's what I'll do: try to concentrate on the positive. I have my emergency fund still. I'm still contributing to my retirement fund. And I'm back up to a full 40 hours a week. I can fix this, I can get back on track.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
how do avoid a paper you don't want to write.
Wow. So much money news in the past...what has it been? Four months? Yeah.
Well, I started school, and that has changed a few things about my life in general and my financial life in particular.
So, loans. I'm paying for school with some more federal direct loans. This is making me a little nervous, since they've already given me 68% of my undergrad debt in new loans. Don't freak out! Ok, freak out a little. I didn't use all of it for school, the rest is just sitting in a bank account untouched until I figure out what I'm doing for summer, then if I don't need it to support me during an internship or anything, I'm giving it back to them. But by the end of grad school I will have increased my total debt to about 260% of it's pre-grad school amount. eep. I don't like it, but I don't think I have a lot of other options. Hopefully the outcome is a public sector job with great benefits and a good career track after I graduate, and only paying on the loans for 10 years before they get forgiven. That will still have me paying 200% of the undergrad amount. But the decision is made, and that's that.
Now, as a result of school I've also had to reduce my hours at work. I'm now at 36/week, which thankfully doesn't affect my benefit contributions, but it does affect my paycheck. So far I haven't really felt those effects since I've had more than enough occasional work with UMass to make up for it, so I'm grateful for that. I have had to go through some vacation time to be able to participate in my current internship, which is frustrating.
I've kept up with my monthly retirement contributions. This does strike me as a little silly since I'm borrowing money from my future to pay for school now, but putting money away for the farther future, but I think this is still the smart way to go. I would be borrowing the money in either case, and it's not like I would be paying my tuition with that $50 a month. It will be a net gain down the road.
I've also kept up with my regular savings. It's not a very large amount because I split it with the retirement fund, but it's there in case I need it. And it had enough to cover the income tax I owed this year, which came in at $250 total. Thank goodness I'm back in school, because I would have had to pay more like $900 if I didn't get the tuition deduction.
I also moved into a new apartment at the beginning of February, which took it's own little financial toll. Mostly I came out even because I didn't have to put a last month or security on my new place and I got the last month back from the old place. While I should have used that for savings, I used it to buy all new furniture. And I like my new furniture, so whatever. The apartment is a little cheaper, further away from work, but closer to school.
Now it's time to try to figure out what is gonna happen with my summer. I have a couple applications for internships in, and I'm hoping one of them works out. If not I'll stay in Cambridge and probably start looking for a library job. Or at least something that pays me a little more so I can worry and/or work a little less and save a little more.
As far as the spending side of my equation goes....well, it's still not great. I've been buying new clothes and shoes with the excuse of thinking I might need them for conferences and/or new job opportunities. That's a little bit true and a little bit of a rationalization. I'm doing a bit better on food most weeks, I think, but this one was a bad one. Splitting my time between Cambridge and JP makes keeping up with bagged lunches a little difficult, but I also could just try harder.
So....that's the update. Just sort of trucking along. But next I need to get renter's insurance....
Well, I started school, and that has changed a few things about my life in general and my financial life in particular.
So, loans. I'm paying for school with some more federal direct loans. This is making me a little nervous, since they've already given me 68% of my undergrad debt in new loans. Don't freak out! Ok, freak out a little. I didn't use all of it for school, the rest is just sitting in a bank account untouched until I figure out what I'm doing for summer, then if I don't need it to support me during an internship or anything, I'm giving it back to them. But by the end of grad school I will have increased my total debt to about 260% of it's pre-grad school amount. eep. I don't like it, but I don't think I have a lot of other options. Hopefully the outcome is a public sector job with great benefits and a good career track after I graduate, and only paying on the loans for 10 years before they get forgiven. That will still have me paying 200% of the undergrad amount. But the decision is made, and that's that.
Now, as a result of school I've also had to reduce my hours at work. I'm now at 36/week, which thankfully doesn't affect my benefit contributions, but it does affect my paycheck. So far I haven't really felt those effects since I've had more than enough occasional work with UMass to make up for it, so I'm grateful for that. I have had to go through some vacation time to be able to participate in my current internship, which is frustrating.
I've kept up with my monthly retirement contributions. This does strike me as a little silly since I'm borrowing money from my future to pay for school now, but putting money away for the farther future, but I think this is still the smart way to go. I would be borrowing the money in either case, and it's not like I would be paying my tuition with that $50 a month. It will be a net gain down the road.
I've also kept up with my regular savings. It's not a very large amount because I split it with the retirement fund, but it's there in case I need it. And it had enough to cover the income tax I owed this year, which came in at $250 total. Thank goodness I'm back in school, because I would have had to pay more like $900 if I didn't get the tuition deduction.
I also moved into a new apartment at the beginning of February, which took it's own little financial toll. Mostly I came out even because I didn't have to put a last month or security on my new place and I got the last month back from the old place. While I should have used that for savings, I used it to buy all new furniture. And I like my new furniture, so whatever. The apartment is a little cheaper, further away from work, but closer to school.
Now it's time to try to figure out what is gonna happen with my summer. I have a couple applications for internships in, and I'm hoping one of them works out. If not I'll stay in Cambridge and probably start looking for a library job. Or at least something that pays me a little more so I can worry and/or work a little less and save a little more.
As far as the spending side of my equation goes....well, it's still not great. I've been buying new clothes and shoes with the excuse of thinking I might need them for conferences and/or new job opportunities. That's a little bit true and a little bit of a rationalization. I'm doing a bit better on food most weeks, I think, but this one was a bad one. Splitting my time between Cambridge and JP makes keeping up with bagged lunches a little difficult, but I also could just try harder.
So....that's the update. Just sort of trucking along. But next I need to get renter's insurance....
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